Amare Stoudemire-witz

If it is on Twitter, you know it's official. And according to Amare Stoudemire's recent Tweets, he is a Knick. Oh, and a Jew.

It's not everyday that you hear a player is all of a sudden practicing a new religion, but for the newest basketball star in the Big Apple, well, he's rocking a new look. And no, it's not his new blue and orange uniform or Yankees fitted...it's more like a yamaka. 

Stoudemire, or STAT, recently learned his mom is part Jewish, according to a Tel Aviv newspaper. And in the Jewish religion, it is only proper to take on the mother's religion.

You can only imagine the despair Amare felt, realizing at 27 years of age that he missed out on all the perks of Judaism -- the Bar Mitzvah, Yom Kippur and Hannukah.

In an attempt to make up for all that he's missed out on, Stoudemire showed up in Las Vegas for Knicks summer league with a "star of David" tattooed on his arm. According to the New York Post, Stoudemire replied that "yes" -- it meant he was a Jew.

In his mission, Stoudemire has taken on the daunting task to learn all about the religion, including the Hebrew language, all during a short trip in Israel.

"You know, a lot of people don't quite get what it's like to be a Jew. There were definitely none in Phoenix [Ariz.]. I'm thankful there's more here in New York," Stoudemire said. "I've realized that Judaism isn't all eight days of presents, bagels and lox or that weird 'chhh' sound after every word. Nah, man. It's deep. You wouldn't know unless you spent a mini-vacation in the Holy Land."

When STAT landed back in his new home, New York City, he began preparing for more obstacles in his quest for Judaism.  

Newly signed Nets point guard, Jordan Farmar, formerly of the world champions Los Angeles Lakers, is helping STAT learn his Torah portion for his upcoming Bar Mitzvah. The date and venue for the celebration of Amare's manhood have yet to be released, but it's been speculated that it will not interfere with the New York Knicks' probable playoff run, and there will most definitely be matza ball soup (a favorite of STAT's). 

According to Stormfront.org, 20,000 Israelis leave their country to immigrate to the United States, and they actually have dollar signs appear in their eyes.

When a reporter approached Stoudemire with these thoughts, he put back on his protective glasses and walked away.

The same reporter questioned his signing with the Knicks, too, stating that he took top dollar and a max deal for those same Israeli motives. He replied, "Nah. It was just that the [Miami] Heat were all out of cap space."

Satire