Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
2011 Free Agent Fits
With a less than a handful of meaningful games in the N.F.L. in Week 17, many off-season-bound teams are looking past their regular season finales and towards their 2011 kickoff.
Aside from filling gaps in the N.F.L. Draft, teams need to address their glaring needs via free agency. Of the list of the top potential free agents and trade targets on the market this off-season, here are my thoughts on which players could fit in well wearing a different uniform next season.
1. Carolina Panthers: Donovan McNabb
Reports have surfaced that the No. 1 quarterback prospect in the N.F.L. Draft Andrew Luck will remain at Stanford for his senior season, which means the Panthers may not get their guy. Instead of reaching for another quarterback in Ryan Mallett or Jake Locker, why not go with a proven vet?
Since 2003 when the Panthers made it to the Super Bowl, they have basically toggled winning and losing seasons regularly. They have kept a core nucleus of players though, which would allow for their main problem, the quarterback position, to solve many of their offensive issues. Wouldn't it be nice to see someone get the ball to Steve Smith?
If reports are true that the Skins will release Donovan McNabb at season's end to avoid paying him that disastrous contract they generated after he was benched, why not pair McNabb and Smith to create a formidable threesome with Jonathon Stewart?
2. Cincinnati Bengals: Jeff Fisher
It is not even close. Since 2007 the Cincinnati Bengals lead the N.F.L. in players arrested. To add insult to injury, the team named Cedric 'The Entertainer' Benson the Ed Block Courage Award winner for demonstrating commitment to values and sportsmanship this week. Yeah, the same dude who got pulled over for drunk driving just a few years ago.
Factor in Jeff Fisher, a no-nonsense head coach, who is rumored to be fired by Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams. Think he would let players get blasted and drive home -- fuh-gedda-bout it!
The team needs to be disciplined, and he would be the figure to decide the futures of Terrell Owens (free agent) and Chad Ochocinco (team would owe $3.5M not to pick up his 2011 option) in Cincy.
3. Buffalo Bills: DeAngelo Williams
Since Week 3, when Ryan Fitzpatrick was anointed the starter for the Buffalo Bills, the gunslinger from Harvard has 441 attempts. That's like a 30 per game. Did I mention the dude is from Harvard?
So it's not like Peyton Manning's 639 attempts or Drew Brees' 620, but you're asking Fitzpatrick to carry the Bills offense each week. The team drafted the talents of C.J. Spiller out of Clemson with the ninth overall pick in the 2010 N.F.L. Draft; what's he done?
Clearly you cannot think Fred Jackson is the solution at the running back position for the next few years. With The Daily Show showing he is more than capable of being a primary back in the Tar Heel State, DeAngelo Williams may not get resigned in the off-season. Add him to the backfield and suddenly there is balance in the offense, whether Fitzpatrick is the starter in 2011 or not.
4. Denver Broncos: Santonio Holmes
If Tim Tebow is the future at the quarterback positions for Broncos, then the team needs to surround him with as many offensive talents around him, similar to what he was accustomed to with the Gators.
Of the potential free agents -- Terrell Owens, Braylon Edwards, Vincent Jackson -- maybe no other wide-out could fit Tebow's skill set more than Santonio Holmes. While playing with Ben Roethlisberger in Pittsburgh, Holmes was able to adjust his route on the run to complement a quarterback who throws outside the pocket. Sound familiar?
Holmes has provided a big-play threat for Mark Sanchez in his first season with the Jets, and could fit a similar mold at Mile High. Given that playmaker Brandon Marshall was ousted under the Josh McDaniels regime, one of the many poor decisions to send off talent for nothing. The team could use some star power. I don't know if Brandon Lloyd is enough.
5. Cleveland Browns: Shawne Merriman
After leaving San Diego where he earned his reputation, and a short-lived stint with the Buffalo Bills spent on I.R., many wonder if Shawne Merriman has enough left in his system to resurrect his career.
After being busted for breaking the N.F.L.'s substance-abuse policy, season-ending injuries have plagued the linebacker's career. It has been awhile since we saw this edge-rushing talent play like he did in his first few seasons in the league, so clearly Cleveland would be taking a risk signing him to a multi-year contract.
If there is somebody who can help Merriman rediscover his previous form, Rob Ryan could be the guy. The defensive guru and son of Hall of Fame great Buddy Rice, not to mention the twin brother of infamous Rex Ryan -- he's got a resume. When healthy, Merriman can bring a pass-rushing ability that the Browns definitely lack.
And a big name like Merriman in a win-hungry city like Cleveland can certainly help fill up the Dog Pound. After all, with the talents of LeBron James having fled to South Beach, the biggest name is town is Peyton Hillis.
6. Dallas Cowboys: Champ Bailey
Maybe no collection of talent in the N.F.L. failed to live up to the heavy expectations entering to the 2010 season more than the Cowboys of Dallas (well, San Diego fits the bill, too).
It is difficult to pinpoint one main flaw on the team. Tony Romo was injured, yet Jon Kitna filled in admirably in his place and maintained an ample offense. The passing game features some of the tops at their positions -- Stone Cold Miles Austin, Jason Witten and rookie sensation Dez Bryant. And running backs Felix Jones, Tashard Choice and Marion Barber are all capable runners.
Defensively, the Boys have talented front seven, featuring probably the best pass-rushing linebacker in DeMarcus Ware. In the secondary, however, there is a heavy dose of youth, which bodes well for the future -- not so good for the present.
What if the Cowboys were snare a veteran cornerback in Champ Bailey, whose play has barely declined with the age. Bailey's 13 passes defended ranks 18th in the league this season, tied with perennial Pro Bowler Ed Reed and ahead of Asante Samuel.
This season, Dallas has allowed the likes of Shaun Hill and Rex Grossman to pass for huge numbers against them. Adding Bailey to complement the secondary's youth movement could pay huge dividends.
7. Arizona Cardinals: Ochocinco
With Chad Ochocinco making a case to get out of Cincy, especially with Carson Palmer having his best passing performances on the season without him and Terrell Owens in the lineup, paying the man $3.5 may be the best option for the Bengals.
For Ochocinco, Zona could be the ultimate catch for the diva wide-out. When Anquan Boldin was traded to Baltimore, the team expected Steve Breaston to emerge as the No. 2 receiver opposite Larry Fitzgerald, but that move never seemed to pan out.
Having John Skelton at quarterback may not suit Ochocinco well, but if the team decides to draft a rookie or sign a veteran, Ochocinco could provide that reliable threat in the Cards' passing game.
8. San Francisco 49ers: Kevin Kolb
Michael Vick is a free agent, but if Philly should choose to keep the most dynamic scoring threat in the N.F.L. in Eagles green, then they may elect to put their former quarterback of the future on the trading block.
Neither one of the Smiths -- Alex or Troy -- should have a future as a starting quarterback for San Fran. And in continuing the trend of young offensive talent by the Bay, Kolb could be perfect match.
Kolb didn't turn too many heads this season, but he did fill in adequately when Vick was hurt, and was outstanding when he started two games for Donovan McNabb in 2009.
Giving Kolb a change of scenery and the right offensive mind at coach, and pairing him up with the likes of Michael Crabtree, Vernon Davis and Frank Gore, and all of a sudden the 49ers have a dangerous, balanced offense that could immediately contend in the division of mediocrity that is the NFC West.
9. Minnesota Vikings: Carson Palmer
Depending on what Bengals ownership decides to do with the current coaching staff and players in The Queen City, Carson Palmer is a potential refugee. Maybe no player in the black and orange needs to head towards greener pastures more than Palmer.
Possible destinations for Palmer could include San Fran, Miami and Arizona, but perhaps no better fit would be Minnesota, who has a Super Bowl-caliber team that simply failed to perform to their abilities under the coaching of Brad Childress.
Adding Palmer to an offensive loaded with weapons like Percy Harvin, Sidney Rice and Visanthe Shiancoe, with a consistent rushing attack led by Adrian Peterson, could allow the Vikes to return to contention in the N.F.C. right away.
10. Houston Texans: Jon Gruden
After finally conquering the rival Colts early on in the season, the Texans seemed destined to earn the A.F.C. South crown after what felt like a yearly go at it that would almost inevitably result in a .500 record. To their dismay, they took another trip down that road.
Now Texans fans are making their feelings known and are calling for the job of head coach Gary Kubiak. And while he has put together a competitive group each and every year, the collapse of the Texans in 2010 should spell the end of his run.
One candidate to replace Kubiak is ESPN's Jon Gruden, who seems to be on every team's wish list, college or N.F.L, every team from Miami to San Francisco.
Gruden's extensive offensive experience would work wonders in Houston, and his knowledge of personnel and coaching assistants would allow him to easily put together a top-notch staff on the defensive side of the ball as well. If the Texans fans want a change at head coach, Gruden should be their guy.
Aside from filling gaps in the N.F.L. Draft, teams need to address their glaring needs via free agency. Of the list of the top potential free agents and trade targets on the market this off-season, here are my thoughts on which players could fit in well wearing a different uniform next season.
1. Carolina Panthers: Donovan McNabb
Reports have surfaced that the No. 1 quarterback prospect in the N.F.L. Draft Andrew Luck will remain at Stanford for his senior season, which means the Panthers may not get their guy. Instead of reaching for another quarterback in Ryan Mallett or Jake Locker, why not go with a proven vet?
Since 2003 when the Panthers made it to the Super Bowl, they have basically toggled winning and losing seasons regularly. They have kept a core nucleus of players though, which would allow for their main problem, the quarterback position, to solve many of their offensive issues. Wouldn't it be nice to see someone get the ball to Steve Smith?
If reports are true that the Skins will release Donovan McNabb at season's end to avoid paying him that disastrous contract they generated after he was benched, why not pair McNabb and Smith to create a formidable threesome with Jonathon Stewart?
2. Cincinnati Bengals: Jeff Fisher
It is not even close. Since 2007 the Cincinnati Bengals lead the N.F.L. in players arrested. To add insult to injury, the team named Cedric 'The Entertainer' Benson the Ed Block Courage Award winner for demonstrating commitment to values and sportsmanship this week. Yeah, the same dude who got pulled over for drunk driving just a few years ago.
Factor in Jeff Fisher, a no-nonsense head coach, who is rumored to be fired by Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams. Think he would let players get blasted and drive home -- fuh-gedda-bout it!
The team needs to be disciplined, and he would be the figure to decide the futures of Terrell Owens (free agent) and Chad Ochocinco (team would owe $3.5M not to pick up his 2011 option) in Cincy.
3. Buffalo Bills: DeAngelo Williams
Since Week 3, when Ryan Fitzpatrick was anointed the starter for the Buffalo Bills, the gunslinger from Harvard has 441 attempts. That's like a 30 per game. Did I mention the dude is from Harvard?
So it's not like Peyton Manning's 639 attempts or Drew Brees' 620, but you're asking Fitzpatrick to carry the Bills offense each week. The team drafted the talents of C.J. Spiller out of Clemson with the ninth overall pick in the 2010 N.F.L. Draft; what's he done?
Clearly you cannot think Fred Jackson is the solution at the running back position for the next few years. With The Daily Show showing he is more than capable of being a primary back in the Tar Heel State, DeAngelo Williams may not get resigned in the off-season. Add him to the backfield and suddenly there is balance in the offense, whether Fitzpatrick is the starter in 2011 or not.
4. Denver Broncos: Santonio Holmes
If Tim Tebow is the future at the quarterback positions for Broncos, then the team needs to surround him with as many offensive talents around him, similar to what he was accustomed to with the Gators.
Of the potential free agents -- Terrell Owens, Braylon Edwards, Vincent Jackson -- maybe no other wide-out could fit Tebow's skill set more than Santonio Holmes. While playing with Ben Roethlisberger in Pittsburgh, Holmes was able to adjust his route on the run to complement a quarterback who throws outside the pocket. Sound familiar?
Holmes has provided a big-play threat for Mark Sanchez in his first season with the Jets, and could fit a similar mold at Mile High. Given that playmaker Brandon Marshall was ousted under the Josh McDaniels regime, one of the many poor decisions to send off talent for nothing. The team could use some star power. I don't know if Brandon Lloyd is enough.
5. Cleveland Browns: Shawne Merriman
After leaving San Diego where he earned his reputation, and a short-lived stint with the Buffalo Bills spent on I.R., many wonder if Shawne Merriman has enough left in his system to resurrect his career.
After being busted for breaking the N.F.L.'s substance-abuse policy, season-ending injuries have plagued the linebacker's career. It has been awhile since we saw this edge-rushing talent play like he did in his first few seasons in the league, so clearly Cleveland would be taking a risk signing him to a multi-year contract.
If there is somebody who can help Merriman rediscover his previous form, Rob Ryan could be the guy. The defensive guru and son of Hall of Fame great Buddy Rice, not to mention the twin brother of infamous Rex Ryan -- he's got a resume. When healthy, Merriman can bring a pass-rushing ability that the Browns definitely lack.
And a big name like Merriman in a win-hungry city like Cleveland can certainly help fill up the Dog Pound. After all, with the talents of LeBron James having fled to South Beach, the biggest name is town is Peyton Hillis.
6. Dallas Cowboys: Champ Bailey
Maybe no collection of talent in the N.F.L. failed to live up to the heavy expectations entering to the 2010 season more than the Cowboys of Dallas (well, San Diego fits the bill, too).
It is difficult to pinpoint one main flaw on the team. Tony Romo was injured, yet Jon Kitna filled in admirably in his place and maintained an ample offense. The passing game features some of the tops at their positions -- Stone Cold Miles Austin, Jason Witten and rookie sensation Dez Bryant. And running backs Felix Jones, Tashard Choice and Marion Barber are all capable runners.
Defensively, the Boys have talented front seven, featuring probably the best pass-rushing linebacker in DeMarcus Ware. In the secondary, however, there is a heavy dose of youth, which bodes well for the future -- not so good for the present.
What if the Cowboys were snare a veteran cornerback in Champ Bailey, whose play has barely declined with the age. Bailey's 13 passes defended ranks 18th in the league this season, tied with perennial Pro Bowler Ed Reed and ahead of Asante Samuel.
This season, Dallas has allowed the likes of Shaun Hill and Rex Grossman to pass for huge numbers against them. Adding Bailey to complement the secondary's youth movement could pay huge dividends.
7. Arizona Cardinals: Ochocinco
With Chad Ochocinco making a case to get out of Cincy, especially with Carson Palmer having his best passing performances on the season without him and Terrell Owens in the lineup, paying the man $3.5 may be the best option for the Bengals.
For Ochocinco, Zona could be the ultimate catch for the diva wide-out. When Anquan Boldin was traded to Baltimore, the team expected Steve Breaston to emerge as the No. 2 receiver opposite Larry Fitzgerald, but that move never seemed to pan out.
Having John Skelton at quarterback may not suit Ochocinco well, but if the team decides to draft a rookie or sign a veteran, Ochocinco could provide that reliable threat in the Cards' passing game.
8. San Francisco 49ers: Kevin Kolb
Michael Vick is a free agent, but if Philly should choose to keep the most dynamic scoring threat in the N.F.L. in Eagles green, then they may elect to put their former quarterback of the future on the trading block.
Neither one of the Smiths -- Alex or Troy -- should have a future as a starting quarterback for San Fran. And in continuing the trend of young offensive talent by the Bay, Kolb could be perfect match.
Kolb didn't turn too many heads this season, but he did fill in adequately when Vick was hurt, and was outstanding when he started two games for Donovan McNabb in 2009.
Giving Kolb a change of scenery and the right offensive mind at coach, and pairing him up with the likes of Michael Crabtree, Vernon Davis and Frank Gore, and all of a sudden the 49ers have a dangerous, balanced offense that could immediately contend in the division of mediocrity that is the NFC West.
9. Minnesota Vikings: Carson Palmer
Depending on what Bengals ownership decides to do with the current coaching staff and players in The Queen City, Carson Palmer is a potential refugee. Maybe no player in the black and orange needs to head towards greener pastures more than Palmer.
Possible destinations for Palmer could include San Fran, Miami and Arizona, but perhaps no better fit would be Minnesota, who has a Super Bowl-caliber team that simply failed to perform to their abilities under the coaching of Brad Childress.
Adding Palmer to an offensive loaded with weapons like Percy Harvin, Sidney Rice and Visanthe Shiancoe, with a consistent rushing attack led by Adrian Peterson, could allow the Vikes to return to contention in the N.F.C. right away.
10. Houston Texans: Jon Gruden
After finally conquering the rival Colts early on in the season, the Texans seemed destined to earn the A.F.C. South crown after what felt like a yearly go at it that would almost inevitably result in a .500 record. To their dismay, they took another trip down that road.
Now Texans fans are making their feelings known and are calling for the job of head coach Gary Kubiak. And while he has put together a competitive group each and every year, the collapse of the Texans in 2010 should spell the end of his run.
One candidate to replace Kubiak is ESPN's Jon Gruden, who seems to be on every team's wish list, college or N.F.L, every team from Miami to San Francisco.
Gruden's extensive offensive experience would work wonders in Houston, and his knowledge of personnel and coaching assistants would allow him to easily put together a top-notch staff on the defensive side of the ball as well. If the Texans fans want a change at head coach, Gruden should be their guy.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Is Maryland WR Torrey Smith Heading to the NFL?
Terp Nation's best offensive weapon is preparing to enter his name into the NFL Draft, suggests Rotoworld, a fantasy website covering every nuance within the sports news universe.
More evidence that the website correct in their prediction comes from a recent feature by Eric Prisbell of The Washington Post that details the upbringing of Smith and a Tweet by Smith himself.
Purely speculating, when Smith chose to Tweet the trending topics to state his support of his head coach, he did so in a way that may hint to his future at Maryland.
Smith graduated this semester, and now that the head coach that has been by his side is being forced out by the university, there may be no reason for the talented wide-out to remain for another season.
Common logic suggests former Texas Tech coach Mike Leach is the front-runner for the Maryland gig, but Athletic Director Kevin Anderson stated there was no leading candidate and the firm he assigned would conduct a nationwide search.
Leach has produced wide receiver talents like Wes Welker and Michael Crabtree, and could help elevate Smith's statistics into out of this world numbers in his fast-paced, high-scoring Air Raid offense.
Smith has yet to make an official announce on his future, but is expected to do so after this Wednesday's Military Bowl at RFK Stadium against East Carolina. The deadline to declare for the N.F.L. Draft is Jan. 15.
More evidence that the website correct in their prediction comes from a recent feature by Eric Prisbell of The Washington Post that details the upbringing of Smith and a Tweet by Smith himself.
Smith graduated this semester, and now that the head coach that has been by his side is being forced out by the university, there may be no reason for the talented wide-out to remain for another season.
Common logic suggests former Texas Tech coach Mike Leach is the front-runner for the Maryland gig, but Athletic Director Kevin Anderson stated there was no leading candidate and the firm he assigned would conduct a nationwide search.
Leach has produced wide receiver talents like Wes Welker and Michael Crabtree, and could help elevate Smith's statistics into out of this world numbers in his fast-paced, high-scoring Air Raid offense.
Smith has yet to make an official announce on his future, but is expected to do so after this Wednesday's Military Bowl at RFK Stadium against East Carolina. The deadline to declare for the N.F.L. Draft is Jan. 15.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Top 10 Gifts For Struggling NFL Teams
It is the holiday season, so of course I am in the utmost giving mood. Given that Week 16 has already began, we know who the playoff-caliber teams are and who will face the biggest questions heading into the off-season.
Here is my top 10 list of teams that are need of a meaningful, helpful Christmas gift this weekend, in descending order of course:
10. Dallas Cowboys: Jon Kitna
When the G-Men KO-ed Tony Romo in Week 7 of your already disappointing season, perhaps you got a clue that this guy is not the preeminent option at quarterback for your team.
Consider this -- with Romo behind center for The Boys, the team started 0-2, then followed up with a 1-5 record before that loss to the Giants. Two of those losses include the Minnesota Vikings and the Tennessee Titans, teams with a combined 11-17 record.
After Kitna inherited the starting the job, the team has improved modestly to 5-3. Three of those wins include that same Giants team that embarrassed you earlier in the season and on the road at Indy, and if not for a bonehead fumble by Roy Williams they would have taken down the Super Bowl champions on Thanksgiving.
Maybe it is not exactly the 38-year-old Kitna who should lead the team in 2011, if there is a 2011 season. I'm just saying maybe it's time to let a more proven quarterback take the reigns of this talented offense, and let Romo just nod off with his new fiancée.
9. Miami Dolphins: A Home Crowd
Ever since Chad Pennington was anointed starting quarterback and was lost for the season a snap later, this team was doomed. It's true.
But on a less personal note, I do think there is such thing as home-field advantage in the professional ranks, and Miami is certainly lacking that aspect.
The Dolphins are just .500 right now, which is certainly disappointing for their fans who had high expectations after flashes of potential by Chad Henne and the acquisition of Brandon Marshall.
The team is just 1-6 while playing at Sun Life Stadium, but have beaten playoff-caliber teams like the New York Jets and Green Bay Packers on the road. Interesting, eh?
What is wrong with the 'Fins faithful? Are you too busy following the Hurricanes falter in the mediocre Atlantic Coast Conference, or are you just too enamored with the Heat's big three to pay any attention to the NFL?
8. New York Jets: A New Public Relations Department
Nah, I am not going to get on Rex Ryan and his apparent foot fetish. That is just the latest in a series of mishaps for Gang Green over the past few seasons
Between HBO's Hard Knocks and former quarterback Brett Favre's sexting episode, the Jets have been in the spotlight for a lot of the wrong reasons.
My solution: Rex, stop videotaping your naughty fantasies. And to the Jets organization, don't hire Jen Sterger, a former "Sports Babe", to act as a reporter after a career as Maxim and Playboy. Last time I checked, Hugh Hefner doesn't run the best college of journalism at The Mansion.
Please though, don't let Ryan's press conferences from this to this.
7. San Diego Chargers: Calendars
It may be knock on the Chargers over the past couple of seasons, but it is seriously a problem. Why does this team continue to start the season off horribly?
This year, for instance, the Chargers began 2-5, including losses to the upstart Kansas City Chiefs, the R-R-Raiders, and the NFC West powerhouses that are the St. Louis Rams and Seattle Seahawks.
But as history would state, the team lived up to expectations come wintertime, going 6-1 and still in the hunt for a playoff spot if the Chiefs are to sputter in the next two games.
So if we were to get these Chargers some calendars, maybe they would realize when the season actually starts. Clearly they are lost without 'em.
6. Seattle Seahawks: Disposable Coffee Cups
If you need a Costco Membership, they run a sweet holiday special.
Why? Well, you are not exactly the best road team. And that is even an understatement; you stink outside of Qwest Field.
Of your total of five wins, four came in the comforts of the 12th man. On the road, however, you have just one win and six losses. Not just losses though -- blowouts, to the likes of the pathetic Broncos, as well as Oakland, San Fran and the Rams.
The city of Seattle is notorious for it's outstanding coffee. So let me help you out by providing with two options. One, consider this place called Starbucks -- they have locations all over the place, even outside of Seattle.
But if you're trying to save some dough in these tough economic times, hit up everybody's favorite warehouse. Costco is selling these delectable products that allow you to keep your coffee hot while you're travelling.
If you were just .500 on the road, you could be atop of the NFC West...with a winning record, too!
5. Cleveland Browns: White Thunder
Peyton Hillis is the best thing for white football fans since we got a glimpse of Nick Goings in Carolina and when Mike Alstott was doing his thang for the Bucs.
But now we have Mr. Running Down Hillis, who has taken the league my storm. Dude looks like he can bench press a pick-up truck and squat the moon.
Behind Hillis' surprise season the Browns have beaten some top teams like New England, and have kept games competitive, much of a disparity between their last few seasons.
So if Hillis is the catalyst driving this turnaround, I see no other option but clone him or snare Toby Gerhart, A.K.A. White Thunder, away from the Vikings. The more white running backs you can collect the better off your franchise will be down the road.
4. Minnesota Vikings: Stevie Johnson
No, there is not a problem with the Vikings receiving core. Sidney Rice is perennial Pro Bowler when healthy and Percy Harvin is electric any time you can get the ball in his hands. So why the hell would Speedy Stevie Johnson fit so well in Minny?
Johnson has become infamous for his Twitter account. What kind of went under the radar was his most recent Tweet in which thought it was a good decision to take a photo of his private parts for all of his followers to see.
Apparently, this brainiac decision would make Speedy Stevie just another one of the fellas in the Vikings locker room. Just ask Mr. Favre (if he is not too busy texting) or Visanthe Shiancoe, who also has no problem with his junk in the open for a national audience.
And while you're at it, don't stop with Speedy Stevie. If Favre is supposedly going to retire at the season's end, a potential replacement could be Matt Leinart, a quarterback who knows how to get down the ladies as well.
3. Cincinnati Bengals: More Shows for T.O./Ochocinco
First, there was the T.O. Show. Then, Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch. But when the two superpowers of the wide receiving world joined hands on both the Cincinnati Bengals and Versus, the world as we knew was doomed.
While it is any reporter's dream come true having their dynamic personalities on candid camera each week, it is obviously not the greatest formula for a successful football team. See record: 3-11.
And just when you thought Owens was over his complaining ways -- calling Jeff Garcia gay or Donovan McNabb was not the Eagles' best option at quarterback, or personally my favorite of getting his pump on in the comforts of his driveway -- T.O. lived up to his reputation.
I think Cincy would trade in his 983 yards and nine touchdowns for a 10-win, division-best season as they had just a year ago.
2. Denver Broncos: Jimmy Clausen
You know, Denver has gotten a reputation of late for making some stupid trades. Some of the names that have highlighted their "to-go" list include Peyton Hillis, first-rounder Alfonso Smith, Brandon Marshall and Jay Cutler.
Instead, they opted for Laurence Maroney, Brady Quinn and everyone's favorite, Tim Tebow.
In continuing the recent tradition, why not go after Carolina Panthers quarterback Jimmy Clausen. The second-rounder out of Notre Dame has truly silenced his critics this season who thought he would not succeed in the professional level.
Look at it this way: Quinn and Clausen, and then you can pry Charlie Weiss away from the Kansas City Chiefs -- you can have The Fighting Irish NFL-style. Their combined career 3,278 passing yards and 12 touchdowns is sure to rival that of Cutler's 2010 season alone.
1.5* San Francisco 49ers: WINNERS
Could not help myself.
1. Washington Redskins: Elliptical Machines
We sometimes hold exceedingly high expectations for quarterbacks, especially the ones we trade for in the off-season and believe they will revive a dormant franchise to prominence once again.
Essentially, those were the precise circumstances surrounding Donovan McNabb is his move to the Washington Redskins.
But it was not his poor decision-making at times, or that he is not accumulating the same rushing yards as he used to, or even that he has turned the ball over far too often.
McNabb simply did not possess the cardiovascular endurance to run Mike Shanahan's offense, especially when the game is on the line.
What we're missing here is that Daniel Snyder and the Skins' training facility is clearly lacking the exercise equipment for McNabb to be in shape. I mean, he practically looks like Flozell Adams out there.
Merry Christmas Mr. Synder and company. Please accept my gift of ellipticals, cycling machines and treadmills -- all of the cardio equipment necessary to get your quarterbacks in shape for 2011.
F8BJSUNG6NT7
Here is my top 10 list of teams that are need of a meaningful, helpful Christmas gift this weekend, in descending order of course:
10. Dallas Cowboys: Jon Kitna
When the G-Men KO-ed Tony Romo in Week 7 of your already disappointing season, perhaps you got a clue that this guy is not the preeminent option at quarterback for your team.
Consider this -- with Romo behind center for The Boys, the team started 0-2, then followed up with a 1-5 record before that loss to the Giants. Two of those losses include the Minnesota Vikings and the Tennessee Titans, teams with a combined 11-17 record.
After Kitna inherited the starting the job, the team has improved modestly to 5-3. Three of those wins include that same Giants team that embarrassed you earlier in the season and on the road at Indy, and if not for a bonehead fumble by Roy Williams they would have taken down the Super Bowl champions on Thanksgiving.
Maybe it is not exactly the 38-year-old Kitna who should lead the team in 2011, if there is a 2011 season. I'm just saying maybe it's time to let a more proven quarterback take the reigns of this talented offense, and let Romo just nod off with his new fiancée.
9. Miami Dolphins: A Home Crowd
Ever since Chad Pennington was anointed starting quarterback and was lost for the season a snap later, this team was doomed. It's true.
But on a less personal note, I do think there is such thing as home-field advantage in the professional ranks, and Miami is certainly lacking that aspect.
The Dolphins are just .500 right now, which is certainly disappointing for their fans who had high expectations after flashes of potential by Chad Henne and the acquisition of Brandon Marshall.
The team is just 1-6 while playing at Sun Life Stadium, but have beaten playoff-caliber teams like the New York Jets and Green Bay Packers on the road. Interesting, eh?
What is wrong with the 'Fins faithful? Are you too busy following the Hurricanes falter in the mediocre Atlantic Coast Conference, or are you just too enamored with the Heat's big three to pay any attention to the NFL?
8. New York Jets: A New Public Relations Department
Nah, I am not going to get on Rex Ryan and his apparent foot fetish. That is just the latest in a series of mishaps for Gang Green over the past few seasons
Between HBO's Hard Knocks and former quarterback Brett Favre's sexting episode, the Jets have been in the spotlight for a lot of the wrong reasons.
My solution: Rex, stop videotaping your naughty fantasies. And to the Jets organization, don't hire Jen Sterger, a former "Sports Babe", to act as a reporter after a career as Maxim and Playboy. Last time I checked, Hugh Hefner doesn't run the best college of journalism at The Mansion.
Please though, don't let Ryan's press conferences from this to this.
7. San Diego Chargers: Calendars
It may be knock on the Chargers over the past couple of seasons, but it is seriously a problem. Why does this team continue to start the season off horribly?
This year, for instance, the Chargers began 2-5, including losses to the upstart Kansas City Chiefs, the R-R-Raiders, and the NFC West powerhouses that are the St. Louis Rams and Seattle Seahawks.
But as history would state, the team lived up to expectations come wintertime, going 6-1 and still in the hunt for a playoff spot if the Chiefs are to sputter in the next two games.
So if we were to get these Chargers some calendars, maybe they would realize when the season actually starts. Clearly they are lost without 'em.
6. Seattle Seahawks: Disposable Coffee Cups
If you need a Costco Membership, they run a sweet holiday special.
Why? Well, you are not exactly the best road team. And that is even an understatement; you stink outside of Qwest Field.
Of your total of five wins, four came in the comforts of the 12th man. On the road, however, you have just one win and six losses. Not just losses though -- blowouts, to the likes of the pathetic Broncos, as well as Oakland, San Fran and the Rams.
The city of Seattle is notorious for it's outstanding coffee. So let me help you out by providing with two options. One, consider this place called Starbucks -- they have locations all over the place, even outside of Seattle.
But if you're trying to save some dough in these tough economic times, hit up everybody's favorite warehouse. Costco is selling these delectable products that allow you to keep your coffee hot while you're travelling.
If you were just .500 on the road, you could be atop of the NFC West...with a winning record, too!
5. Cleveland Browns: White Thunder
Peyton Hillis is the best thing for white football fans since we got a glimpse of Nick Goings in Carolina and when Mike Alstott was doing his thang for the Bucs.
But now we have Mr. Running Down Hillis, who has taken the league my storm. Dude looks like he can bench press a pick-up truck and squat the moon.
Behind Hillis' surprise season the Browns have beaten some top teams like New England, and have kept games competitive, much of a disparity between their last few seasons.
So if Hillis is the catalyst driving this turnaround, I see no other option but clone him or snare Toby Gerhart, A.K.A. White Thunder, away from the Vikings. The more white running backs you can collect the better off your franchise will be down the road.
4. Minnesota Vikings: Stevie Johnson
No, there is not a problem with the Vikings receiving core. Sidney Rice is perennial Pro Bowler when healthy and Percy Harvin is electric any time you can get the ball in his hands. So why the hell would Speedy Stevie Johnson fit so well in Minny?
Johnson has become infamous for his Twitter account. What kind of went under the radar was his most recent Tweet in which thought it was a good decision to take a photo of his private parts for all of his followers to see.
Apparently, this brainiac decision would make Speedy Stevie just another one of the fellas in the Vikings locker room. Just ask Mr. Favre (if he is not too busy texting) or Visanthe Shiancoe, who also has no problem with his junk in the open for a national audience.
And while you're at it, don't stop with Speedy Stevie. If Favre is supposedly going to retire at the season's end, a potential replacement could be Matt Leinart, a quarterback who knows how to get down the ladies as well.
3. Cincinnati Bengals: More Shows for T.O./Ochocinco
First, there was the T.O. Show. Then, Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch. But when the two superpowers of the wide receiving world joined hands on both the Cincinnati Bengals and Versus, the world as we knew was doomed.
While it is any reporter's dream come true having their dynamic personalities on candid camera each week, it is obviously not the greatest formula for a successful football team. See record: 3-11.
And just when you thought Owens was over his complaining ways -- calling Jeff Garcia gay or Donovan McNabb was not the Eagles' best option at quarterback, or personally my favorite of getting his pump on in the comforts of his driveway -- T.O. lived up to his reputation.
I think Cincy would trade in his 983 yards and nine touchdowns for a 10-win, division-best season as they had just a year ago.
2. Denver Broncos: Jimmy Clausen
You know, Denver has gotten a reputation of late for making some stupid trades. Some of the names that have highlighted their "to-go" list include Peyton Hillis, first-rounder Alfonso Smith, Brandon Marshall and Jay Cutler.
Instead, they opted for Laurence Maroney, Brady Quinn and everyone's favorite, Tim Tebow.
In continuing the recent tradition, why not go after Carolina Panthers quarterback Jimmy Clausen. The second-rounder out of Notre Dame has truly silenced his critics this season who thought he would not succeed in the professional level.
Look at it this way: Quinn and Clausen, and then you can pry Charlie Weiss away from the Kansas City Chiefs -- you can have The Fighting Irish NFL-style. Their combined career 3,278 passing yards and 12 touchdowns is sure to rival that of Cutler's 2010 season alone.
1.5* San Francisco 49ers: WINNERS
Could not help myself.
1. Washington Redskins: Elliptical Machines
We sometimes hold exceedingly high expectations for quarterbacks, especially the ones we trade for in the off-season and believe they will revive a dormant franchise to prominence once again.
Essentially, those were the precise circumstances surrounding Donovan McNabb is his move to the Washington Redskins.
But it was not his poor decision-making at times, or that he is not accumulating the same rushing yards as he used to, or even that he has turned the ball over far too often.
McNabb simply did not possess the cardiovascular endurance to run Mike Shanahan's offense, especially when the game is on the line.
What we're missing here is that Daniel Snyder and the Skins' training facility is clearly lacking the exercise equipment for McNabb to be in shape. I mean, he practically looks like Flozell Adams out there.
Merry Christmas Mr. Synder and company. Please accept my gift of ellipticals, cycling machines and treadmills -- all of the cardio equipment necessary to get your quarterbacks in shape for 2011.
F8BJSUNG6NT7
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Report: Knicks Tell ‘Melo to Stay A Nugget (Satire)
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| life.com |
The shock to the system felt throughout Knicks Nation lasted about a second until they heard players that New York reportedly would have to surrender in a trade with the Denver Nuggets. Danilo Gallinari, Eddy Curry, Landry Fields – in addition potentially exchanging Wilson Chandler or Anthony Randolph for a first-round draft pick, which the Nuggets deem necessary to top off the blockbuster.
After Sunday’s report surfaced that Carmelo Anthony would welcome a trade and contract extension with the New York Knicks and only the New York Knicks, it was the Blue and Orange brass that blatantly responded: Melo – you are not welcome in the Big Apple.
As if Danilo Dallinari’s just grow on trees nowadays. Please.
The Knicks small forward is on the cusp of budding into the NBA elite fraternity. Through 25 games, Gallo is on pace to record three double-doubles this season, in addition to a career-high 15.3 points per game. His previous best: 15.1. Need I say his three-point chucks are just falling more eloquently this year?
Then the Knicks take a risk of losing the talents of Chandler, and newcomers Fields and Randolph. Chandler has blossomed as a scorer since beginning the year as the team’s sixth man, while Fields, the No. 39 pick in the draft, has surprised all with his versatility, emerging as the team’s best option at the two-guard.
In the deal to acquire Randolph from the Golden State Warriors, the Knicks got a player who could supposedly fill-in at four different positions. Through 11 total games, Randolph has 24 points and 30 boards. Compare that to the slouch they swapped him for – David Lee, who surpassed Randolph’s totals after three games with the Warriors. Lopsided much? Well, not if you consider Randolph brought along Kelenna Azubuike in the trade.
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| faniq.com |
But probably the biggest deal-breaker in a Knicks-Nuggets swap would be Curry. Perhaps no center in the league has more potential than this big-man, but supposedly his expiring contract is what teams are longing for. What they are not realizing are his intangibles; if Curry is not catering to his seven children or wooing his former chauffeur, he is battling through injuries to try and get back onto the court. Whether it is a sore knee or a classic beer belly, Curry is fighting. And that kind of determination is indispensable.
The presence of Anthony pale in comparison to this collection of Knicks. The team is riding an eight-game winning streak, the best the franchise has registered in 16 years. And did I mention they are off to their best start in well over a decade?
Anthony departed for the Association after leading his Alma matter Syracuse to National Championship prominence. He has averaged at least 20 points per game in each of his seven seasons. In 2010, however, he is scoring just under 22 per game, but a career-low 1.3 assists and his second-worst three-point field-goal percentage. At 26 years old he is obviously on the on the skids of his career.
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| NYDailyNews.com |
It is quite obvious why the Nuggets superstar wants to be a part of this team – he is a front-runner. Why did then-acclaimed free-agent stars LeBron James and Chris Bosh flee to South Beach, and Dwyane Wade opt to stay home rather than become a part of the Big Apple Turnover? Because the team was not winning, and only Amaré Stoudemire saw the light.
Stat has since led the team’s resurgence, helping the team to their best start to the season in over a decade. The power forward has recorded eight consecutive 30-point performances, and is likely casting a shadow over the Knicks’ other free-agent prize, Raymond Felton. The team’s new point guard is second in scoring only to Stoudemire with over 18 points per game.
But what if the Stoudemire-Felton experiment had taken a reverse trajectory; if the Knicks took their customary position in the basement of the Eastern Conference; would Melo want to – would Melo still be craving to be playing at the Garden?
With these two lighting it up, there is simply not enough scoring to share with a ball-hog like Melo. Is it worth the loss of Gallinari’s fearlessness, or what about Randolph’s versatility?
Experts suggest the Knicks are simply riding a hot-streak right now, that their wins are coming against inferior opponents, and come playoff time they will inevitably falter. A player like Anthony would provide stability for the team, a second or even primary scorer to complement Stoudemire when they battle a veteran-loaded Boston Celtics team or suddenly dynamic crew of all-stars that have meshed in Miami.
Or perhaps the Knicks should continue on the path they have created for themselves over the past few weeks, defy the odds and ignore the naysayers. Tell Melo to keep his talents in Denver.
This article possesses a significant amount of satire and the New York Knicks have had no response of this sort in public manners. Opinions belong solely to the blogger.
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